"Is there even alcohol in this?"

From the time I was 14, my summer jobs have mainly revolved around working in a restaurant setting. Whether it was counter service, cocktailing, waitressing, bartending or hostessing, I’ve made a go at them all. For two of those summers I also dabbled in being a landscape flower girl but the time frame for both jobs didn’t mesh well. I was working 7:30-3:30 planting and watering flowers (sometimes the weeds too if they were pretty enough), and 4:30-1:30 at the bar. This combination made for one sleep deprived Bonnie who was usually put in charge of driving the box truck VROOM VROOM.

The first few times I was a cocktail waitress, I had no clue how to differentiate all of the liquors let alone remember what we had. I was convinced we sold ‘Jim Bean’, and I made up beer flavors along the way. 

“Oh yes, I would definitely say that it has a hoppy taste to it” 

“You’re looking for a pale ale? How’s about a bud lite?”

I’m not actually positive how I managed to stay afloat during my bar learning curve but for the love of the alcohol gods, I did. 

When I initially moved to Boston, I made a go of working at Charlie’s on Newbury Street because no one in the real world wanted to hire me yet. I should have known from day one that I was not going to like working there. Mainly because I was forced to wear a men’s white button down with a tie, black pants and creepy black leather shoes… This was not ‘a single girl, new to Boston looking to meet all of the eligible bachelors cruising Newbury Street type of outfit’. This was an ‘I ate all of my feelings today so I’m wearing 3 sizes too large of clothes and I’m questioning my sexuality’ type of outfit. Needless to say, I only lasted a few weeks. 

Over the years, I’ve seen my fair share of customers who either made for an enjoyable experience or left me with the feeling of just wanting to kick them in the shins. I've been mentally compiling a list and I’m sure that by the end of this summer, I’ll be able to write a book...Or maybe just a blog post. If you’ve ever worked for one minute in the restaurant biz, you’ll know exactly who I’m talking about. However, if you’re reading this and it reminds you of something you’ve done/do, make sure you wear shin guards when you come visit me this summer! 

• One of the regulars who decided to eat all of the mint leaves from the bar to make sure he had fresh breath because ‘he was going to get someeeee tonight’. “Sorry there are no more mojitos because this fine sir is chewing on the rest of our mint supply”

• The ‘ladies night out’ group of women, who look like they’ve all been sucking on lemons, that end up drinking at least a bottle of Chardonnay each while judging everyone who comes in. “I hear she makes car commercials...in Japan”

• The regular who comes in each week with a different lady friend. “This’ll be our little secret”

• The “Can I please have your specialty burger but with no egg, pineapple, lettuce, tomato, onion, cheese, bun (I’m gluten free…)" "So you just want a plain burger…”

• The customer who orders something that’s not on the menu and is upset because they claim to have had it last year…When we’ve never served that dish ever…

• The customer who comes in wearing the same outfit that the servers are wearing. “Oh wassup Nantucket reds”

• The “Oh, I can vouch for him, he’s definitely 21” parents when I ask their kid for ID that he conveniently left it at home. "One name? Who are you? Seal?!"

• The bar patron who demands your attention the entire time they are sitting there and inserts themselves into other peoples conversations. “Let me tell you my views regarding politics because I bet you really care and I’ll make sure to progressively get louder if I feel like you’re ignoring me!” 

I could keep going but that would ruin my sequel to this post so in the mean time, just watch this:
 
Shit People Say to Bartenders


PS. COME VISIT ME ON THE WEEKENDS SO I DON'T INSTAGRAM COCKTAILS EVERY SHIFT! (Don't worry I know what Jim Beam is now...)