Bonnie's Buzzfeed

For this post I decided to create my own “Thought Process Buzzfeed”. I chose to write down what I think about during my every day decision making process of figuring out what I want to do for lunch (which typically spans over a few hours). The first day I tried this, I made it to about 3:30 before realizing I had forgotten my plan. So to make sure I remembered the next day, I plastered my desk in post it notes. I then spent the better part of my commute home googling pictures to complete mah own personal buzzfeed. For anyone wondering why it takes me so long to accomplish tasks/projects, you now have an inside perspective of my fantastical thought process:

THE DILEMMA: What do I want for lunch today?? It’s currently 8:30, I just arrived at the office and I NEED to know. I have T minus 3.5 hours until game time. I want to try some place new. I’ve had enough of the salad bar. 

Hmm I want dreadlocks. I think I’d look great in them.

 

                                VS.

   (I think we know who looks better here)

I also need an island dog, and I needed it yesterday.

                                                             (la la la I love da sand)

                                                      

Eh on second thought, a dog’s too much work. I’ll settle for a kitten.

Time to check craigslist for a jeep *Spend the next 30 minutes Alt/Tabbing between windows when people walk by*

                                       This seems to be the most practical one I've found

Need a snack…WHO ATE ALL OF THE OFFICE CHEEZ ITS? I will find you.

This office is sweltering. Wicked witch of the west status up in here.

                                                  SHE'S STRAIGHT UP MELTING

What do I want to eat for dinner? Ugh no concentrate. Focus on lunch!

To go for a run or not to go for a run after work… Go for a run.

I’m.so.sleepy. Need caffeine stat.

                                                                Starbucks got clever

Decide I want to own a food truck. Cue googling wiki ‘how to start a business’

Changed my mind. I’m definitely not running today.

Would I sell treats from my truck? Cupcakes are overrated. Maybe I just need a candy truck.

What am I in the mood for? WHY CAN’T I JUST EAT PASTA AT EVERY MEAL and who invented carbs?

How do I get Oprah or Ellen D. to interview me? I WANNA BE FAMOUS, I’D BE SO GOOD AT IT.

                                                 If Honey Boo Boo can be famous, so can I

I’m craving a giant sub. And fries. So.Many.Calories.So.Little.Time.

Back to the issue at hand. WHERE DO I EAT?

Should probably just eat a salad. Do I go where I usually go or should I switch it up?

Oh my god, I’m freezing. Where’s my forever lazy?

                                                        (I do actually own one of these)

Does Panera count as fun and exciting?

Gawd Damn, it’s 11:50 and I don’t know where I’m eating.

*Panic starts to set in*

 Start closing windows on my computer, and get distracted by the jeeps again.

11:57: 3 minutes to go. Start asking everyone around me where I should go. Get asked the “What are you in the mood for question?” I DON’T KNOW THAT’S WHY IM ASKING. HALPPPPPPPPP

11:58: What have I been doing all morning, it’s almost 12 and I’m going to die hungry

11:59: Maybe I’ll know once I get in the elevator.

12:00: End up outside, overwhelmed, convinced I may perish before picking a spot.

12:01: It’s now or never. I’ve been standing next to the homeless man on the curb for 1 minute too long.

FINEEEE, I’ll go to the salad bar AGAIN.

*Spend the next 30 minutes eating my salad having FOMO (fear of missing out) that I should have tried some place new and/or could have been eating a giant sub with fries.*

There’s always tomorrow.

That's So Fetch!

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 100 times: people watching (or anything shiny) could keep me entertained for hours.  I spend most of the time wondering what's going on in these strangers’ brains to make them wear specific articles of clothing/act a certain way. If Mel Gibson could hear people’s thoughts in What Women Want, than why can’t I??? Would they have a pinball thought process like mine? Are they thinking about fro-yo? Are they looking back at me being like “Why’s this chick eyeballin me?” I have so many questions but no answers!

Walking from South Station to my office is by far the best people watching route (other than riding the train) and I make it a point to be wearing sunglasses so I won’t get punched in the face. I’ve considered making a dedicated twitter account to the people I come across but since I haven’t figured out a way to stealthy take photos to go along with my tweets, this’ll have to do. I definitely thought I saw Willow Smith today but it turned out to just be some other 14 year old girl with a mohawk. Is snapping a pic considered bullying? Nahhhhhh

I come across a lot of people who I call the “crazies” but I also witness a lot of people who lack any concept of appropriate attire. Now I know I can’t be one to talk fashion since I prefer sleeveless things BUT I’m at least aware of my surroundings and know it’s not appropriate to wear a leotard to work…as unfortunate as that is. I also wouldn’t wear something that didn’t fit me just because it was trendy. I see more girls whose friends need to sit them down and be like “LISTEN, YOU HAVE A CAMELTOE. CHECK YOURSELF”. Luckily for me, I grew up with a strong support system of family and friends who had plenty of opinions:

Wearing eyeliner to a family dinner: “Why are you wearing camo paint?”

Wearing skinny jeans to a family dinner: “Did you need a shoe horn to get into those?”

On wearing my favorite sweatpants: “You realize you have no ass when you wear those right?”

Trying to wear droopy shirts to every event possible: “ No.”

On wearing heals over 2 inches: “Oh okay amazon”

Wearing a flowy off white dress: “Hey Band Perry, nice doily dress”

Need more examples?

Since I experienced tough love, consider this my public service announcement on fashion 'tings that I may even send to Menino to plaster on bill boards.

High waisted, tight, short shorts:

These look good on about 5% of the female population yet the other 95% like to wear them as well. If I see one more girl under the age of 18 wearing these paired with a crop top, I may freak out.

Skinny pants that are too skinny:

This goes for guys, girls and hipsters. If I learn you have cellulite, in a place I didn’t know cellulite existed, while you’re wearing full coverage pants…we have a problem.  Ain’t nobody got time for dat.

Women who don't believe in bras:

I'm convinced there is a secret society for women, that when they turn a certain age, they think they don’t have to wear bras. Instead they wear the tightest shirt possible and just let them hang. Enough is enough. Gravity isn’t helping anyone in this situation and unless you have a clubhouse like the “He Man Women Haters”, this isn’t a legit thing.  #nomoreladynips

Giant glasses:
Coming from someone who is legitimately blind as a bat, and pays extra to have the glass slimmed down so my eyes aren't magnified, I don't see (literally ha) the appeal of wearing fake glasses just cuz. Since I already used percents, I'd say 8 out of 10 of these people, don't have the face to pull them off and I'd compare their looks to when Mr. Potato Head wears glasses.

In conclusion, everyone should be forced to watch at least one episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and I think the world would be a better dressed place…Or at least the people I encounter while walking. 

This was a good 2 minute youtube voice over distraction:

CLICK MEH

And this was a catchy beat:

NSK NSK NSK