If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 100 times: people watching (or
anything shiny) could keep me entertained for hours. I spend most of the time wondering what's going on in these strangers’ brains to make them wear specific articles of
clothing/act a certain way. If Mel Gibson could hear people’s thoughts in What
Women Want, than why can’t I??? Would they have a pinball thought process like
mine? Are they thinking about fro-yo? Are they looking back at me being like
“Why’s this chick eyeballin me?” I have so many questions but no answers!
Walking from South Station to my office is by far the best people
watching route (other than riding the train) and I make it a point to be
wearing sunglasses so I won’t get punched in the face. I’ve considered making a
dedicated twitter account to the people I come across but since I haven’t
figured out a way to stealthy take photos to go along with my tweets, this’ll
have to do. I definitely thought I saw Willow Smith today but it turned out to
just be some other 14 year old girl with a mohawk. Is snapping a pic considered
bullying? Nahhhhhh
I come across a lot of people who I call the “crazies” but I also
witness a lot of people who lack any concept of appropriate attire. Now I know
I can’t be one to talk fashion since I prefer sleeveless things BUT I’m at
least aware of my surroundings and know it’s not appropriate to wear a leotard
to work…as unfortunate as that is. I also wouldn’t wear something that didn’t
fit me just because it was trendy. I see more girls whose friends need to sit
them down and be like “LISTEN, YOU HAVE A CAMELTOE. CHECK YOURSELF”. Luckily
for me, I grew up with a strong support system of family and friends who had
plenty of opinions:
Wearing eyeliner to a family dinner: “Why are you wearing camo paint?”
Wearing skinny jeans to a family dinner: “Did you need a shoe horn to
get into those?”
On wearing my favorite sweatpants: “You realize you have no ass when
you wear those right?”
Trying to wear droopy shirts to every event possible: “ No.”
On wearing heals over 2 inches: “Oh okay amazon”
Wearing a flowy off white dress: “Hey Band Perry, nice doily dress”
Need more examples?
Since I experienced tough love, consider this my public service
announcement on fashion 'tings that I may even send to Menino to plaster on bill
boards.
High waisted, tight, short shorts:
These look good on about 5% of the female population yet the other 95%
like to wear them as well. If I see one more girl under the age of 18 wearing
these paired with a crop top, I may freak out.
Skinny pants that are too skinny:
This goes for guys, girls and hipsters. If I learn you have cellulite,
in a place I didn’t know cellulite existed, while you’re wearing full coverage
pants…we have a problem. Ain’t nobody
got time for dat.
Women who don't believe in bras:
I'm convinced there is a secret society for women, that when they turn a
certain age, they think they don’t have to wear bras. Instead they wear the
tightest shirt possible and just let them hang. Enough is enough. Gravity isn’t
helping anyone in this situation and unless you have a clubhouse like the “He
Man Women Haters”, this isn’t a legit thing. #nomoreladynips
Giant glasses:
Coming from someone who is legitimately blind as a bat, and pays extra to have the glass slimmed down so my eyes aren't magnified, I don't see (literally ha) the appeal of wearing fake glasses just cuz. Since I already used percents, I'd say 8 out of 10 of these people, don't have the face to pull them off and I'd compare their looks to when Mr. Potato Head wears glasses.
In conclusion, everyone should be forced to watch at least one episode of
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and I think the world would be a better dressed
place…Or at least the people I encounter while walking.
This was a good 2 minute youtube voice over distraction:
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