Remember the time I used to write on a regular basis? Yea. Me neither.
There's no better way to break the 6 month writers block than by compiling a list of Tinder rules that all bros looking to find some summah love should keep in mind. I know most of my guy friends have/had Tinder (don't even try to deny it) because you've either sent me a screenshot of my profile with the caption "Look who I've found" or we've come across each other and casually swiped left to avoid any awkward encounters. SO LISTEN UP.
For those of you unfamiliar (it's okay if you live under a rock), Tinder is a "dating" app essentially based on looks. Someone's photo will pop up and you either swipe right if interested or swipe to the left if you're not. Be prepared that the first few hours you have it, your productivity decreases immensely. One minute you're typing a work email and the next you've got your phone under your desk and are too busy swiping away to realize your boss is standing over you. Sorry that I'm looking for love, sir!
Coming from someone who's dabbled in more than her fair share of creepy dating sites over the past year or so, I think it's time to give some advice. Whether it's a Thursday night and you're looking for that magical hookup or a Monday (do people actually use it then?) and you're looking for love, pay attention. Copy and paste this somewhere. You'll thank me later when you have some lady friend on your left arm and a bud latte in your right hand at The Landing.
Bonnie's Tinder Tips
Girls, bad. Puppies, good. The most obvious of them all, DON'T have another girl in your photo. I don’t care how dreamy you are, or if it’s your sister, I’m swiping left. However, if you have a dog in your photo, and no I’m not referencing an unfortunate looking girl, you’ll definitely gain some brownie points. Extra if it’s a puppy.
Selfie-ettiquette. Don’t even think about taking a bathroom selfie. The 1% of girls who actually dig these most likely also have a bathroom selfie as their main photo and will probably end up catfishing you if you meet up. Not to mention you look like an idiot trying to make that pouty face. You’re better off crushing a beer can into your head. At least that gives you more street cred (kind of).
This was just too good not to repost.
I have a lot of opinions regarding this guy.
Where’s Waldo? I totes get you want to make it known that you have a lot of friends by making your default a group pic, but then we’re left trying to figure out which one you are. Are you the one wearing the cut off and a backwards flat brim? If so, HI HELLO. Or are you the guy wearing the short sleeve button down polo making the sideways peace sign? Most of the time girls Tinder with a group of their friends (safety in numbers) so you have about 5-10 seconds to make an impression before someone swipes left. Group photos leave a lot up to interpretation and you never know when its Judgemental Julie's turn on the phone.
Thirsty Thursday. Start your Tinder game on a Thursday. All of us girls are out because "we just can't" with the week we've had, or we're looking to meet a babe of a Yo-Pro (young professional status). This is where YOU come in. ‘Swipe’ them off their feet (and to the right), buy them some tequila, tell them you totally agree that their best friend is being the worst by not coming out, maybe even get them a fireball shot, WHO KNOWS? If it’s not you getting their number at the end of the night, there’s some other guy circling the bar looking for girls on the app under a .5 mile radius and he’ll swoop right on in.
Friends don’t let other friends Tinder after 1 AM - The two most common scenarios won't work in your favor:
1.You end up killing your chances with a normal girl because she’ll wake up to a handful of drunken messages and will probably not respond:
“HEY”
“Where r u?”
“Want to meet uP?”
“Let’s hang. Cum ova?”
“Bring some friends. Lets paRtyyyyyyyyy”
“Asleep? WAKE UP”
“Want me to come there?”
"Do you snapchat?"
OR
2. You end up wearing beer goggles, meeting up with a chick who makes you question all life choices leading up until that moment when you’re trying to figure out how to escape in the morning.
Friends that swipe. Be careful who you let play on your Tinder account. Things get REAL weird when you let your friends do the swiping for you and you end up with a message “I thought you looked familiar ;)”. Upon further inspection, you realize it's a financial advisor for your firm who you’ve met multiple times and talk to on a regular basis SO that won’t be awkward the next time he comes in or anything.
Don't be creepy. Take what you're going to say and say the opposite. Spit some game but be witty about. Like Rihanna, everyone's looking for love in a hopeless place aka online dating so you have a good chance at meeting someone if you pretend to be someone other than yourself. Just remember, if you say something weird, I will screen shot AND I will send it to my friends. You've been warned.
PS. Tinder-itis: It’s a real thing
and can cause your hand to cramp up - so I've heard. Safety first.
PPS. Watch Dave Franco and Conan do the Tinder. It's the best 12 minute distraction out there.
It's going down, I'M YELLING TINDER!
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