Blah Blah Hipsters Blah

I initially thought that just by writing 'feelings' on a coffee cup it would accurately portray a hipster. Then I realized there were too many inconsistencies:

-In real life, they’d never be drinking a coffee from Dunkin or Starbucks. It would be from some obscure coffee shop that no one’s ever heard of.
-They’d also never be wearing those stunna shades (but I do look good). Should have borrowed someone’s ray bands.
-They would have used a filter to make it look more ‘old tyme’. Maybe Sepia or something.
-I'm missing an overly aggressive graphic tshirt. 
-A slight buzz cut is needed. 

Brighton/Allston is currently the central breeding ground for hipsters riding around on two-speeders and I’m smack dab in the middle of it. I have some issues that I need clarified and I’m not above stalking a hipster or two for an explanation.

Guys, I’m sorry, but skinny jeans are NEVER a good look (unless you’re Adam Levine and you’re singing directly to me). It also leaves little for the imagination, if ya catch my drift. Wearing your girlfriends zip-up? Even worse! I don’t care how cold you are, leave that shit at home. I get that you want to look super sensitive while at the same time making a statement but I’m confused as to how two sizes too small clothing achieves that for you.

Vegetarians don't eat meat because they don't believe it's ethical. Hipsters do the opposite of everyone around them because... Bueller? Bueller?

I can't even keep going.
I'm getting too worked up.
This is what hipsters do to me.
My emotions are all over the place.

I'll leave you with this: I’m onto all of you and your anti-mainstream ways. If knocking some sense into you requires me forcing you to listen some Selena Gomez or another pop star, I’ll do it.  


LISTEN TO DIS:

Robin Thicke just screams sex, all day every day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyDUC1LUXSU

(Now go watch the unrated version)

People Watching vs. Running

While speed walking on an incline or flailing my arms on the elliptical, I am always on the lookout for interesting gym goers:

The guy who’s wearing shorter shorts than me…and most of the females there

The guy who makes it known his high kicks are ten times better than yours during ‘cardio blast’

The girl who takes up half the mat just to show you how flexible she is

The girl who is on the treadmill when I get there and still on it when I leave… “I’m barely sweating”

The girl wearing full make up, a sports bra and chewing gum. “What? Like this is hard?”

The guy who only works out his back and arms so he can’t actually touch his hands together

The guy who wears a cutoff and just struts around looking at himself in mirrors. “One thousand and one. One thousand and two.”

Couples who work out together (3 types):

                -The girlfriend who just giggles at every exercise thinking how cute they look together. The guy starts regretting his decision to suggest this bonding activity

                -The girlfriend looks miserable and will probably break up with the guy after 3 more of these sessions. “Go home and step on the scale, write down how much you weigh, and subtract it by like, 20”

                -The most in fit/good looking couple you’ll ever see and you wonder how they met and how you can steal that babe of a boyfriend. “LOOK AT ME. I CAN DO SQUATS TOO”.

Or instead of going to the gym, I sometimes decide to run. How i get motivated:

1. Think about running
2. Think about running for about ten more minutes 
3. Decide I don’t want to run anymore
4. Then decide I should run because I’m dressed and I ate a box of girl scout cookies earlier
5. Cue my new ‘Runninggggggg’ playlist that I just wasted another 30 minutes creating on spotify
6. Start jogging
7. Wow, I’m feeling pretty great
8. I wonder how fast I’m going
9. I’m probably the fasted kid alive 
10. Run past another runner just to show them how in shape I think I am
11. Convinced I’ve run about 3 miles at this point
12. “You have hit 1 mile. Pace 8:55” says the British woman courtesy of my Nike running app
13. SAY WHAT
14. Start to get tired
15. Make a decision right then and there that I’m never running again after this 
16. Start to disregard all traffic signals fearing if I stop, I'll never get going again. IM RUNNING HERE 
17. Begin blaming everyone and anyone around me for making me do this
18. Black out
19. Appear at my apartment
20. Feel slightly accomplished
21. *Forget how much I hated physical activity ten minutes before* 
22. Huh, now that I can breathe again I feel pretty good
23. Maybe runnings not that bad.
24. I should do this more often.
25. Eat more girl scout cookies.

First 45 seconds of this seem about right.

If it’s Creepy, I’ll Try It

I literally can’t help myself when it comes to trying out or investigating weird things/trends. Growing up, if someone told me not to touch wet paint, I'd automatically have an inexplicable urge to reach out and touch it. Next thing you know, I’d leave a trail of fingerprints and I'd be caught 'red handed'. This is how I feel about online dating. I don't necessarily believe in it, but curiosity got the best of me. Instead of the usual conventional methods, I've listed a few others that I've dabbled in:

Tinder:

It’s all fun and games until you come across multiple people you went to high school with and a cab driver tells you you’re being immature for using it. Before going out one Saturday, I downloaded the app and was immediately hooked for the next 48 hours. It definitely seemed okay after a drink or 10 to message random guys my where abouts and hope they might meander my way. Come Monday morning, I was all tindered out.

OkCupid:

It’s essentially the MySpace for online dating. Once ‘FreckleFinder’ emailed me, I called it quits. 

Match.com/Eharmony (not sure which one it was):

Why do they ask me so many questions? I just want to look at the pictures. Why would I want to get to know the guy first before seeing his photo?! I tried justifying that I would only need a handful of guys to take me out to make up for the 3 month trial fee but again, after answering one too many “On a typical Friday night, what would you prefer to be doing: A. Bowling B. Out dancing with friends C. Sitting on the couch watching movies D. Cleaning” I lost interest.

Grouper:

Seemed like a good idea at the time but after going on two of them, I decided I’d rather just go to a bar, climb on a stool, scan the room for a group of normal looking guys, take a shot and saunter in their direction…Or in reality try to make eye contact and send a message via telepathy like WALK THIS WAY.

Craigslist:

Yea, yea, yea this was by far the creepiest one I tried (Sorry, Mom). I was casually searching apartments when I clicked on the personals. Next thing I know, I’m reading (and by reading, scanning for keywords) a post that essentially went like this: blah blah looking for a sugar daddy? blah blah like shopping? blah blah blah no commitment? blah blah want money? Blah blah. Out of all things, my first thought was 'What if I become famous and someone digs this up? How do I do this without leaving a paper trail?" Normal. Next thing I know, I've drafted an email and am one step closer to finding a sugar daddy...Until he responded, saying he was 29, worked for the mbta and was just lonely. Game over.

After writing this, I've realized I probably shouldn't have access to the internet; I'm not sure how I've managed to come this far without having a stalker who knows where I live and that since I'd prefer not to become the next Craigslist killer victim, I should probably just go ahead and delete the fake gmail account I may...or may not have.

Cheers!

If you've listened to Evolution 101.7 for 5 minutes, you've definitely heard this:

Cazzette - Beam Me Up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUKkq2LXiUU

One Year Shy of a Quarter Life Freak Out

QUICK WHAT'S THE NUMBER FOR 911?

All through college I had big dreams to work for the government, FBI type of things. Closer to graduation I began to realize that’s not what I wanted to do with my criminal justice degree. As May crept closer, I was still clueless. While most of my friends were frantically applying for jobs, I took on the approach that I wanted one more summer on the Cape to do hoodrat things, relax before taking a 9-5 job, and hoped that in those few months I would realize something I was super passionate about…other than Calvin Harris.  Fast forward two years, and I still don’t have a clue as to what I want to do for the rest of my life and while that freaks me da fuck out, I'm slowly starting to accept it. Other than becoming famous and being the parking garage mogul of Boston, I have a hard time pin pointing what direction I’d like to go in. I also now have weekly panic attacks that go something like this: IM 24 YEARS OLD WITH NO DIRECTION, AN INABILTY TO COMMIT.... AND WHY AM I CURRENTLY ON CRAIGSLIST LOOKING AT PERSONAL ADS FOR FUN WHEN I SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR AN APARTMENT? I then have to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world, there are a lot of people my age in the same position and that calling home and telling my parents my life is over is a little melodramatic.

But this is normal right? It totally has to be. While I have no clear path paved for me, it's not always going to be socially acceptable for me to binge drink, wake up the next morning wondering who I snapchatted, demand a breakfast sandwich be delivered to me and then claim that I'm never going to drink again. That being said, I can't waste my time thinking about what's going to happen tomorrow when I should be more concerned about where I'm going to order fro-yo from tonight. Maybe one of these days, I'll wake up and have a better idea of what I want to be doing ten years from now, but until then IMMA KEEP DOING ME.

Yours in life lessons,

Bonnie

PS. You should listen to this song:

Electric Guest - This Head I Hold

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVSiwMVaKe4

Johnny Blogger

WELCOME!

I decided to try my luck with writing a blog because I developed a fear of over tweeting and losing my twitter street cred. I'm 24 years old (that's me ^!) with a knack for acting like I'm 15. People watching is one of my favorite activities and I find it's a great conversation starter when there's an awkward silence...either that or a hipster joke.

My thought process is what some would call a bit random but I think that will help keep you all entertained or at least still reading. So sit back, relax, take a shot of tequila and enjoy!

Cheers!